I have a friend whose parents have been married for more than thirty years in a mildly happy union that left her desiring something better in her own marriage.While there are parts of her parents’ marriage she does not want to duplicate, such as their difficulties with communicating, she greatly admires their unwavering commitment to each other.What I wrongly learned about marriage as a result is that it is often fleeting and sometimes painful and that divorce is a way out when love ends.After twelve years of marriage, I still struggle to get out from under the influence of my parents’ divorce.
My parents divorced when I was two, so my earliest memories are not of our family together but of me going back and forth between them.
Early in our marriage, my husband and I made a deliberate decision to avoid talking about our marriage with our divorced parents.
We try not to complain about each other to our parents, and when we face struggles, we do not burden our parents with this information.
If children seem concerned that you won't be as committed to them, remind them they are first in your heart and will never be displaced. If your children are unhappy about a relationship that is working for you, have a heart-to-heart conversation about what's bothering them.
Make them feel secure in your love — and your concern about their welfare after you are gone. If that doesn't work, think about having a session with a family counselor to help handle the issues.