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I believe this primer is necessary because, quite frankly, some of you idiots are wasting my limited time online with your lame-ass questions.

Come with me now and I will show you all the methods of initiating a conversation with a sexually-uninhibited partner and cultivate a stimulating online romance that will last almost an entire week before boredom sets in and you go off to find someone else.

Whether you are a man or a woman, though (or just a man who prefers for people to think he’s a woman), keep in mind the people you’re going to cyber with are ordinary people like you and me. I’m really stretching the definition of “ordinary” here, I know.) The people you’re going to chat with are your neighbors. This author can barely spell “psychological,” and always pronounces it with a hard “puh” sound.

And if you bought this book thinking there would be a lot of lines and numbers and pictures of cats, then you were in the wrong aisle altogether.

They are your wives, your girlfriends, your sisters, and your mothers. Stephen King’s been getting away with it for years!

(Not my mother, thank God, but I’m sure I’ve cybered once or twice with yours.) With that in mind, this manual is also designed to offer the women eager to join your mothers on the Internet pointers on how to make themselves more attractive to me...oops, I mean..the men they’ll meet online. If you bought this book thinking there would be a deep psychological study on the effects of cybersex on modern relationships, you’re going to be bitterly disappointed.

Most people today look down on those of us who engage in cybersexual practice. But it costs a goddamn fortune, and my wife is starting to take closer looks at our credit card billing statements.(See, you knew these computers would save you time!) There are a great many myths about the Internet that I will dispel in this manual; myths about the “chat rooms” that can be found there and about those who engage in the sexually-charged conversations within them. Don’t be embarrassed to read this book, and please don’t be too embarrassed to buy it, either! And for all those people who are shaking their heads right now, denying it, allow me to quote from A. Milne’s classic children’s tale Winnie The Pooh: “Tigger, please...” Now if you bought this book because of the titillating title, well I have just this to say to you: sucker!It’s known as an “emoticon,” and is supposed to reassure you that the person on the other side of the computer screen is smiling back at you all warm and friendly-like. But I’ve worked in a lot of consumer comestibles convenience industries (read: fast-food joints) where we were berated if we didn’t tell every single fucking customer to “Have a nice day.” I said it a lot; I meant it almost never. © 2000-2014 jerryjo : the funniest motherfucker on the planet All rights reserved. Imagination and suspension of disbelief are also critically important.

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